I think it would be very cool if every spanking enthusiast who interacted with other like-minded poeple had a universally accepted set of rules of courtesy. You know, like things you should ask people and things which are basically none of your business if you don't know a person well.
I remember one of the first spanking chats I ever attended, and being so new and fresh and all that good stuff, and really looking forward to talking to other "spankos". So I go into the room, and everything os going OK, until a couple of people just zoned in on me, and started asking me about my childhood spankings. Yeah, they actually had the nerve, on my first visit to the chat room, to ask me to tell them about my spankings as a kid. These clueless ones had no idea if I had been abused or if I had bad memories or anything like that. I could tell they weren't asking so that they could know and understand me and my spanking motivations, or whatever. They were asking so they could get off on my stories, of which I gave them zero.
I was really bummed by that chat, and it took me a while to attend another spanking chat. So, if there were universal rules of etiquette, I think the first one would be not to ask people about their childhood spankings. First of all, lots of people were abused as kids, or even if they weren't, find absolutely nothing erotic or even remotely interesting about rehashing real life stuff like that. Secondly when you are asking people about things like that, it's a type of voyeurism, so you'd better make sure the peraon you're talking to is an exhibitionist before you pounce on their private memories. The second rule would be that when spankos get together in groups or in chats, that they don't engage in discussions about whether they believe in spanking children as discipline. Why it always has to go there, I don't know, but in almost every group I've been in, eventually the topic comes up. It comes up even though when the topic starts, there are always fierce disagreements and bad feelings. So I think there should be an agreement that it doesn't NEED to be discussed. It doesn't need to be, because it really has nothing to do with what we do in the spanking community.
And how about not assuming that every female is a "bottom" or sub, and that every male is a "top" or dom? You can't assume things like that. I know lots of males, both straight and gay who are "boys" or "bottoms" or "subs" and I also know of some females who exclusively "top". It seems like common courtesy to ask, and not just assume things by someone's gender.
Another thing that really gets my goat(whatever that means ) is these subs who go around calling everyone who has ever scened as an authority figure, "Sir" or "Ma'am". I do understand that in certain circles that is the acceptable things, but in most it just isn't, and it is really discourteous as well as an imposition to have to deal with it. I just wish people would realize that just because they think someone is a dominant or top, doesn't mean that that peraon wants to be THEIR dominant or top. Some people are very selective, and some people only top or dominate in structured scenes and with certain people. Anyway, I think that would be a good start: Never asking anyone about their childhood spankings, never assuming the role that someone takes simply by their gender, not starting contentious conversations about the merit(or lack of) of spanking children for punishment, and only adressing people in a referential way if you know they are part of the circle who do things that way. So, what do you think some universal rules of spanko courtesy should be?
Tris
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